God know me
Said he was lonely
Saw my struggling and thought he could help
So he introduced himself in the middle of a dream
(His dream or mine, I’m not sure which)
Then continued to follow me into the next morning
And into the next days
And soon a panic attack was induced
Because I didn’t like him watching me, smiling
Even when nothing was happening or being said
He mostly would just point out things
Like a patch of wildflowers
Or how the rain sounded late at night
I couldn’t get God off my back!
I couldn’t do anything
Without this deep fear of God
Lurking within my being
Confusing my existence
Reeking havoc on my world
Of pain for pleasure
And delusion for freedom
I wasn’t ready for his honesty
His non attachment to worry and dread
What would he find there, in my mind?
What would he uncover or reveal?
I can’t tell you what God looks like
Its more of a presence kind of, a feeling
And he scared the shit out of me!
He wanted to be friends
But I didn’t know how to be friends with him
I never knew how to talk to him or listen
But I somehow know he’s there
I’ve tried ignoring him
Hiding from him
Even denied his existence
But that feeling is still there
I only hurt myself
And destroy any sense of real peace
That I might ever be able to feel
When I don’t embrace the God within me
Written by Ryan Hughes
Ryan Hughes 